Random stuff
by Serpent Goddess
Summary: Random stuff I've seen


How does hate work?

Is it _really_ a thin line between love and hate?

Or is it the opposite?

Is it how people perceive it?

Kind of like a map showing Russia being so far from North America,

But they're so close together…

How does love work?

Is it _really_ this magical feeling that completes you?

Or is it the opposite?

Is it how people perceive it?

Kind of like being in love feels so damn good,

But falling out hurts so damn bad…

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." (?)

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts.  
Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts.  
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...  
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."

― **Shel Silverstein**

Nothing else matters by Metallica

If it's meant it to be, it'll be~ (song)

Finesse ft. Cardi B

50 push ups

50 sit ups

100 squats

100 punches (ea. Arm)

100 kicks (ea. Foot)

Hey there buddy chum pal friend buddy pal chum bud friend fella bruther amigo pal buddy friend chummy chum chum pal i dont mean to be rude my friend pal home slice bread slice dawg but i gotta warn ya if u take one more diddly darn step right there im gonna have to diddly darn snap ur neck and wowza wouldnt that be a crummy juncture huh? do u want that? do u wish upon yourself to come into physical experience with a crummy juncture because friend buddy chum friend chum pally pal chum friend if u keep this up then well gosh diddly darn i just might have to get not so friendly with u my friendly friend friend pal friend buddy chum pally friend chum buddy. (Sans)

Masturbating would be gay, cuz it's like having sex with yourself and youre a dude. But your bro jerking you off is just, it's just him being a good bro. It's science. (Kirishima logic)

Fuck getting an education, he was _so_ damn comfortable; who needed school when _snuggles_ existed? (Bakugou)

Kings Cup Rules:  
Ace is Waterfall. Everyone starts drinking and can't stop until the person on their right stops.  
Two is You. The player picks an opponent to drink  
Three is Me. The player drinks  
Four is Floor. Everyone touches the floor, but the last person to touch the floor must drink.  
Five is Guys. All male players must drink.  
Six is Chicks. All female players must drink.  
Seven is Heaven. All players must put their hands in the air and the last person must drink.  
Eight is Date. The player must pick another player to be their "date." The date must drink whenever the other player drinks for the rest of the game.  
Nine is Rhyme. The player must say a word and the other players have ten seconds to say a rhyming word, starting with the person on the player's left. No repeated words and the first player to fail must drink.  
Ten is Never Have I Ever. Each player puts up three fingers then players take turns saying things they've never done. If someone says something you've done you put down a finger. First player(s) with all three fingers down drinks.  
Jack is Make a rule. The player gets to make a rule that everyone must follow, either until the end of the game or until another player draws another Jack and, if they want, nullifies the previous rule.  
Queen is Questions. The Player asks a question and everyone must answer or take a drink.  
King is the King's Cup. For the first three King cards drawn the player pours a portion of their drink into the center cup. The player who draws the last king must drink the King's Cup. Drawing the fourth King ends the game, regardless of how many other cards remain.

For the record, there were no search results for: How Do I Make A Guy Like Me When He Can't Smell How Awesome I Am? (Bakugou)

"You're mouthy as fuck for someone who just had his ass beat by Frosty the Snow Pile." -Bakugou

"The amount that I _do not know_ right now is fucking staggering right now," –Todoroki

("YOU TALKIN' ABOUT ME, ICY HOT?" -Bakugou

"Yeah," Todoroki said, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms, his expression impassive. "Pull your pants up sometime. I can see your ass crack." (-Todoroki

"Gay." -Bakugou

"What?" Izuku said, sputtering a laugh into Kacchan's shoulder.

"I said you're gay. The fuck're you doing with me?"

"It's called hugging and it's a thing you'll have to get used to."

"Gross, _hell_ no."

"If you think _that's_ gross, I'm not even going to remind you what you just did to my ass."

"See," Ashido said, sucking in a deep breath, her voice wavering with humor as she wiped the tears from her cheeks with her palms. "You don't know how lucky you are, man. Pretty sure only Midoriya would have the patience to date a walking time bomb. You better be sucking that dick daily as thanks."

"I'm a teacher. I get paid to help your ass." –Aizawa

"I'm going to pretend you're not distractingly half-naked and sweaty," Shinsou said, his usual smug smile replaced with an ominous, thin line of mouth, "and proceed to ask you just what you're doing at seven in the _morning_ throwing dead bodies against the wall."

"What the – you little fucker!" Kacchan spun in his loosened hold, face red, though not with anger. "I'll impale you on my dick for that."

" _Ohhh_." Grinning, Izuku went to his toes and linked his arms around Kacchan's neck. "Promise?"

He'd spent the entire fucking evening drinking and staring at Deku from across the room. Then, drinking and getting distracted by the electric slide. Then, drinking and distracted by rolling Kirishima in a rug and throwing him into the bathtub to see how long it would take him to get out.

"Hey," Izuku said with a laugh, watching with delight as Kacchan brought the bottle to his lips and took a long drink. "We have nearly died _multiple_ times. We deserve _all_ of the champagne."

"I love you."

Katsuki snorted a short laugh, this time feeling his core loosen, relax now that they'd held this position for some time.

"Gay."

"Are we really having this conversation while your dick is - _oh_."

Rolling his hips in long, liquid motions, Katsuki bit down his bottom lip and watched his cock disappear into Deku's ass like he'd never seen anything hotter in his life. And he hadn't.

Things would've been more romantic if either of them had lasted longer than a minute past that. Katsuki had reached out to stroke Deku's cock, and the minute that wracking orgasm has clenched and pulsed around Katsuki's dick, bliss had prevailed.

They collapsed, Deku face down, Katsuki starfished out, his arm flung over the back of Deku's head, his legs like weights. Floating, Katsuki barely grunted when Deku curled against his side, stocky body sticky with cooled sweat and damp hairline. Humming, Katsuki lifted a heavy hand and laced his fingers through Deku's curls.

"If –" Deku licked his lips, his voice hoarse and dry. "If you tell anyone how fast I came, this'll never happen again. For eternity."

Katsuki couldn't help but laugh, his grin wide.

"I love you."

"Gay."

"Who the fuck would rob your poor ass? You have like three pieces of furniture in here." –Bakugou

"Your _mom_ is Santa," –Kaminari

"i am incredibly gay for midoriya izuku." –Todoroki

[ _03:12_ ] midoriya izuku: i know its like 3 am btuive been thinking abotu this all night

[ _03:12_ ] midoriya izuku: kacchan but kacchow

[ _03:13_ ] midoriya izuku: kacchan is lightning mcqueen...

"You'd rather spend time with me than do anything else," Katsuki corrected, "You'd be lost without me, shitty hair. Go ahead. Admit it. No judgment here."

This time it was Kirishima rolling his eyes. "I'd be lost without you, Bakugou," He recited like it was a usual occurrence, completely deadpan, "Your involvement in my life is both a blessing and a curse, because I know I'll never be as badass as you. Your existence alone inspires my every move—everyday I ask myself: what would Bakugou do? Your saintly voice answers in my mind: fucking slay."

"Shinsou has a motherfucking cat, by the way. Hope you're allergic!"-Bakugou

"I love cats!" Deku exclaimed, smiling.

"Of course you fucking do."

"A man who taught class from a sleeping bag was not overly concerned with public perceptions."-Shinsou Hitoshi

ヽ(´∇｀)ﾉ -Izuku~

 **denki:** I WANT TO BE A YO-YO MAN HE CRIED MAKE ME A YO-YO MAN

 **ser-yo:** BUT THE YO-YO MASTER DID NOT ANSWER (Sero)

 **denki:** HE JUST KEPT ON YO-ING

 **yo-yo man:** i've changed my name, this is my new persona now,

It's a bag of medicine and some of his favorite snacks. The bag has Midoriya's name on it, _his first name._

He turns so red so fast he very nearly passes out. Shouto digs through the bag, picking it up and placing it on his lap so he can see inside better. Shouto suddenly feels like crying, and he holds back his tears lest he start sobbing all over himself. Which would be embarrassing. Crying over a _bag of medicine._ Shouto takes a deep breath, and re-reads the name on the bag over and over and _over._ His heart is racing. So, he does what any reasonable teenage boy would do when they get a bag of medicine from their crush.

He screams into his pillow.

 **shinsou:** hello everyone

 **shinsou:** i'm shinsou hitoshi

 **shinsou:** aoyama is my sparkling gay boyfriend

 **SPARKLY SPARKLY:** Thats me (((':

 **shinsou:** i'm also very gay

 **shinsou:** i hold my gay power in my hair

 **midoridie:** oh same i hold my bisexual prowess in my Giant Hair

 **shinsou:** we're valid.

 **midoridie:** we sure fuckin are

 **assido:** this is going to be amazing

"I will die before I let you win," Jirou says seriously.

"Then perish," is Midoriya's reply.

"Hello, sir!" the cashier says, deciding to get things rolling. "What would you like?"

"A new dad."

The words leave his mouth before he can stop them. _Fucking shit. Shit fucking fuck!_

(He's been around Bakugou too much.)

The cashier stares at him like he's just told him the worst news of his life. Silence fills the air. It's _horribly_ awkward. Shouto has _no idea_ how to fix this messy situation. His second time ordering and he's already fucked it up by oversharing and making a mess of things. He came to Arby's to escape his father and here he is, still thinking about, and spilling his entire life story to this cashier in front of him.

(He's overreacting.)

But, instead of some awkward stammers and remarks, the cashier suddenly sniffles. When Shouto looks up, he's sobbing, tears marking his cheeks and dripping onto his shirt.

"I'm so sorry," the cashier weeps. "Will a roast beef sandwich suffice?"

"It'd be a better father to me than the one I had."

"My whole life is basically a meme…" –Izuku

"Let me cut your hair," the stranger repeats, still staring at Shōta intently. "My salon's right next door."

Vaguely, Shōta recalls the obnoxiously neon colored salon adjacent to the café. He's always thought that it looked like the sort of place that teenagers go to get their hair dyed shades not permitted by their high school's dress code. Certainly the golden blond color of the salon proprietor's hair supports that notion.

"No," Shōta grunts, tearing his eyes away from the man and looking back at his computer screen.

"Please!" the man whines, crowding further into Shōta's personal space. "I'll make it free! On the house! Just please let me cut your hair."

"What's wrong with my hair?" Shōta replies, unable to keep himself from turning his glare back on the man harassing him.

"What's wrong with your hair," the man repeats flatly, looking at Shōta like he's some sort of idiot. "What's _not_ wrong with it? Do you even know what a comb is?"

"You have a hell of a way of attracting customers," Shōta snorts, giving the man an unimpressed look.

"Look, just let me cut your hair," the man whines. "I'll even throw in a free shoulder massage! I seriously cannot stand the thought of you walking around with your hair looking like it's died on top of your head."

"You're right, I don't dislike him," Hizashi snorts. "I _hate_ him."

"You have a hate boner, you mean?" Tensei says, shooting Hizashi an amused look.

"You know I don't have the equipment for that," Hizashi replies, his tone flat.

"It's a hypothetical boner to go along with your hypothetical blackmail," Tensei teases, and Hizashi can't quite help the way his lips twitch up into the barest hint of a smile at Tensei's joke.

"You know," Hizashi says as he nuzzles against Shōta's neck, pushing him down into the mattress and moving to straddle Shōta's waist. "You should have told me you were a virgin sooner. It's kind of hot."

"How is having no idea how to get someone off hot?" Shōta snorts, his breathing hitching a little as Hizashi bites down on his neck.

"It's hot," Hizashi murmurs, sliding a hand up under Shōta's shirt, "because I'm the only one who's ever gotten to touch you like this. I'm the only one who knows what you look like when you come, and I don't plan on letting anyone else ever get the opportunity."

"That sounds mildly unhealthy and possessive," Shōta says dryly, and Hizashi lets out a little huff.

"I became a teacher to teach students, not to pander to overbearing parents." –Aizawa

"You know what they say, you're not living your life to the fullest unless you've gotten arrested for public indecency at least once," –Nemuri (aka. Midnight)

"I like how you thought my ass looked so great in leather pants that I _had_ to be a stripper."

"Shut up. There were other factors."

"But my ass was a factor?"

"Are you ever going to let this go?"

"Nope. Never. We'll be in our nineties and I'll be telling the nurses at the nursing home about how you thought I was a stripper when we first met."

Aizawa sighs.

"Did anything interesting happen to you yesterday, Aizawa?"

"My stripper neighbor gave me cookies."

"… is that a euphemism for something?"

"Amazingly enough, no."

"I can remember my first time so clearly, it's like it's happening right now!" –Mineta (during his first time lol)

"So, uh...what do we do now?" -OC

"I need to help you finish, and then we...I don't know." -Mineta

"Fuck more?"

"I knew I was dating you for a reason."

"Dude that's creepy, don't smile you'll scare the children." –Eijirou

"I have a Midoriya fetish…" –Kirishima

"We could be fucking. I could be having the greatest sex ever but no! My husband is an idiot and now my dick is about to fall off. Why the fuck did I marry you?"

It's a rhetorical question but Izuku still answers naively with a, "Because you love me?"

"For tax benefits!" Katsuki wails, raising his hands to the ceiling.

 _No, I wasn't trying to kill your son. Yes, maybe I fucking tried before, but I kind of have shitty feelings for him now, and killing him would be counterproductive unless the effort to do it is by my mouth trying to suffocate him with it.'_ And some ' _Stop fucking freaking out. Your mother will think I was molesting you! It's bad enough I think I kind of was, so would you shut the fuck up!' 'Katuki_

"The customer wants to know if we have anything gluten free."

The reactions are exactly what he expected. Eijirou sputters a laugh, and Katsuki slams the bread on the hamburger he's preparing as if it has committed a crime.

"What kind of bullshit is that?!"

"Gluten is a thing you find in—"

"I know what gluten is, dumbass!" Katsuki exclaims. "Why does the fucker think he's in a five-star restaurant?"

Katsuki gets it.

"We do have five stars on Facebook, through," Eijirou adds.

Eijirou does not.

Aizawa Shouta peeks out into his restaurant in horror as he witnesses the disgusting mating ritual of humans. He quickly closes the door and returns to the safety of his videos where at least he doesn't have to watch felines try to court each other. –Aizawa trynna watch cat vids in peace (KamiKiri trynna have a moment tho…)

"Dandelions are a weed you fucking uncultured swine! Get your facts straight!" –Katsuki

"Then All Might comes back to Japan, meets his son's boyfriend and Katsuki loses it because 'holy shit your dad is the legendary cop, Peace Sign from America' and Izuku's like 'well duh, where do you think I got the name for my tattoo parlor?'" –Author-chan

"I love my McSplosion Kacchan." -Izuku

"I love my gay, green-haired, Deku bitch too." –Katsuki

"I am your _alpha._ If I say another finger, then you put another _goddamn_ finger in me." –Katsuki aka. Best power bottom ever lol

"If you take your fucking cock out of my ass then I am _never_ talking to you ever again." –Katsuki aka. Our resident power bottom

maybe he has a weird fetish," said Hizashi, stroking his mustache. "Like, maybe he can only get it up if the guy he's blowing is wearing a sexy Ronald McDonald costume, or something."

Shouta knew, no matter what expression he could feel his face contorting into, nothing physical could do justice to the sheer disgust and disappointment he felt deep in his soul. "A Ronald McDonald costume? Really, Hizashi, that's what you're going with? You think Toshi hasn't fucked you yet because you're not _a fast-food clown mascot_?"

Hizashi threw his hands up. "He likes American stuff, right?"

"That doesn't mean he nuts to _Ronald McDonald_!"

"Sex is alright, but what really matters in a relationship is making sure you're not dating someone who calls sex _fencing with flesh-swords!_ " -Aizawa

"Hey, you're the one who shot me down when I called it 'milking the piss udder' earlier!" –Hizashi

"URARAKA, PLEASE DESIST. I HAVE TOLD YOU MANY TIMES THAT I CANNOT 'KNO DE WAE' AS YOU HAVE NOT TOLD ME THE DESTINATION." –Iida (of course, literally who else?)

"Can we _please_ not talk about furries at the dinner table?" -Iida

"Mario gets inside your brain, I'm telling you!" Uraraka was arguing, eyes wide. "He takes you to his sick little mushroom land and _does_ something to you!"

"Sounds immersive," said Todoroki.

"Oh, it immerses you, alright," Uraraka replied, staring into Todoroki's eyes. "It immerses you into your darkest nightmares until you become something you never thought you could become."

"Buckle up, my dear Hizashi, for, as the kids say, we are about to get turnt down for what!" Toshinori declared, dragging Hizashi toward the living room.

Hizashi laughed. "I think you mean 'turnt up'."

"No, no, the song definitely said 'turn down for what'. I listened to it several times in preparatio- okay, you can take off your blindfold now!"

"I'd let him plus ultra my ass anyday. He's so fast. . ." -Hizashi

Aizawa snorted. "That's what she said."

 _"Holy hell in a handbasket." –Izuku_

" Phones had cameras and Katsuki had so very little shame." –The beginning of the end

#izuku's princely gay awakening (A tag in my story lol)

"Follow your fucking heart. I don't know! Stop bothering me or I'll blow you fuckers up!" –Bakugou the witch lol (don't ask…)

"…Denki makes a guttural noise that comes closer to sounding as a raccoon mating call." –Random quote outta a cute 'Kirishima-is-fucking' done story"

"…I swear to fuck…" –My new favorite quote

…Eijirou's patience levels drop to zero. At the end of the day, a murder happens that day at the national Airport. –Random quote from same story

"…an old soul wrapped in a six pack…" –The perfect description of Todoroki

The beautiful _**Anemone**_ flower symbolizes: Protection against evil and ill wishes.

"I don't always take questionable substances from strangers but when I do I end up getting a second hand boner from my childhood friend's feelings" - Midoriya Izuku

 _We went out the window and went to get_ _cake_ _. Tell Yaoyorozu to please take_ _the bolt off my door before we get back._

It's Sero who breaks the silence.

"They were on the _fifth fucking floor_."

"It's—it's a beautiful ending… and the _funeral scene_ with the fire always just…"

" _Wish I could do that to_ my _father sometimes._ "

"What'd you say, Todoroki? You're kinda mumbling there."

"Nothing."

" _Wouldn't work anyway, Todoroki, he's already on fire._ "

"Midoriya-chan, now you're mumbling too— _ribbit_."

Shouto's face felt like it was burning. _Don't set the blanket on fire. Don't set the blanket on fire._

He wondered, with no small amount of chagrin, if there was a polite way to to ask a friend to stop being so cute.

 _he smiled and he laughed and there was sunlight behind him and i am so screwed (Izuku)_

 _only if u play ur cards right ;D wink wonk (Kirishima)_

"I am a professional passenger." Cardi B.

"All Might is my teacher. He says stupid shit to try and fit in. One time he tried to dab and almost broke the wall." –Katsuki

"If you keep crying I'll... Throw a bug at your face?" –Katsuki

A guy walking past tried not to stare at the two males as one of them sucked on the other one's finger like they were in their privacy of their bedroom. Whatever was going on over there needed to be censored. This is a public place, keep your kinks in the bedroom, please and thank you.

"Mommy, why is that guy sucking on the other guys fingers?" A child nearby asked. "W-well… Um… We can have this conversation when you're older…"

"I need me a freak like that." A group of girls giggled.

"Izuku should probably just stay at the hospital with how many times I plan on injuring him throughout the full fic." –Quote by author (lol)

 **Hitoshi Shinso:** think we'll get kicked out for beating the crud out of another student o the first day? (Talking about Bakugou)

 **Todoroki Shouto:** not if we play our cards right

 **Hitoshi Shinso:** like the way you think

"What," Ochaco starts. Breathing in deeply to push the next words out of her mouth. "What does he have that I don't?" Before Izuku could answer, Katsuki's figure suddenly rose up and grabbed Izuku's waist. The green-haired boy yelped but settled on Katsuki's body frame, the latter nuzzling on his green curls. "Dick," Katsuki says, voice laced with sleep, "You have no dick." He glanced at her and smirked lazily. "And my Deku loves my dick, don't you, Deku?" The boy blushed and leaned back to whisper. "Kacchan.. That's inappropriate."

"You're inappropriate right now."

scotch: are you in the fucking vents

jackedup: What in the fuck

begoneTHOT: not even going to ask

Broccoli: mayyyybe

pepe: how the hell did you get up there

Broccoli: I have my ways

Broccoli: and how did you know I was up here

Broccoli: I thought stealth was on my side

scotch: I sneezed and you literally said bless you

Broccoli: you genuinely looked confused and said 'God? Is that you?'

Assbandit: Kami's brain aperently fries if he doesn't get enough sleep so he is acting really high

Broccoli: he is leaning against Kirishima and he legit just said "have you noticed that we cut down bird houses to make bird houses?"

Assbandit: I asked him how high he was and his response..

Broccoli: I'm 5'6"

sparkemup: I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit a smarter comeback than what you just said

scotch: are you done with your..v?

thiccc: um my what now?

scotch: ya know Niagra Falls

scotch: of blood

scotch: Satan's sacrificial waterfall

thiccc: What the singular fuck

Broccoli: did you just call her period Satan's sacrificial waterfall

pepe: IM CRYING

thiccc: yes

thiccc: I am done thanks for your concern for my bleeding uterus

begoneTHOT: man what a way to start the day

Bossmom: Iida just face palmed so hard his glasses flew off

Assbandit: RIP

"I'm 83% sure he likes me back." -Kirishima

"Well," Kaminari said. "I'm 100% sure he'll set you on fire."

"He was blushing, wasn't he?" Kirishima decided.

"Dude." Kaminari clapped a hand on Kirishima's shoulder. "What're you gonna do now?"

"I," Kirishima said, "am going to seduce the fuck out of Bakugou."

 **explosion boy:** _want to train together_

 **explosion boy:** _kirishima_

 **explosion boy:** _KIRISHIMA_

 **explosion boy:** _KIRISHIMA ANSWER ME GODDAMNIT_

 **explosion boy:** _what the fuck are you even doing_

 **explosion boy:** _KIRISHIMA_

 **explosion boy:** _DO YOU NOT CHECK YOUR PHONE OR SOMETHING_

 **explosion boy:** _KIRISHIMA_

 **explosion boy:** _I WANT TO KICK YOUR ASS COME OUTSIDE_

 **explosion boy:** _WHERE ARE YOU_

 **Kirishima:** _omw try not to kill anyone before i get there 3_

 **explosion boy:** _that better not be a fucking heart_

"Kacchan wouldn't know what _emotion_ was if it hit him in the face." He paused. "And even then, he'd probably try to fight it." –Midoriya

 _It's safe to say that Operation Seduce-the-fuck-out-of-Bakugou has failed_ , -Kirishima

"If he did something, I'll beat him up," Kaminari reassured him. "Well, maybe not beat him up. Maybe just yell at him. From a very safe distance. But, still. Just give me the word."

"Well," Kirishima said, tapping his fingers on the side of his coffee cup once they had grabbed a table. "This is nice. Can't believe you forgot the studying material though."

"Kirishima," Bakugou said, staring at him a little incredulously. "What do you think this is?"

"I don't know," Kirishima said, looking at him confusedly. "You just invited me to go out, forgot the study materials, took me to a cafe, held my hand, paid for me, and-" His eyes widened. "Oh my god, this is a date, isn't it?"

"I don't really know what you're talking about," –Todoroki (he lies)

"Between Present Mic and Endeavor there's not much of a contest. I mean, one of them makes my ears bleed with obnoxious noises whenever he opens his mouth-"

Kirishima winces. "Sheesh, Midoriya."

"-and the other's Present Mic." (aka. Izuku throwin' shade at endeavor)

"Put your pinky and pointer finger in," Midoriya curled his warped fingers in and Todoroki did the same. "Then your thumb in and put your pinky back up. Put your ring finger in and your thumb out." Todoroki really didn't get where he was going with it but complied anyways. "Put your thumb and your pinky in." (middle finger)

I'm giving Todoroki the TRUE convention experience here: 8 million years in the dealer's room and then you're hungry and broke. –The Truth from a lovely author

There was overpriced bento, overpriced takoyaki, overpriced yakisoba, and a variety of overpriced vending machines. –The Truth from a lovely author p.2

"Hey, uh," comes a voice, and they look up to see Kyoka standing there with a horrified look, "I have no idea what the hell just happened."

Midoriya tilts his head backwards and replies, "We fought an evil sea king."

"Oh," Kyoka says casually. "Did you win?"

"Yeah."

"Solid."

"I do not know exactly what your father did to you. I am not going to ask, even though I'm almost certain that he's..." Fumikage quickly checked to make sure there wouldn't be some uncomfortable dramatic irony, like Enji standing right there. "...pardon my language, but he is most likely a little bitch."

Hanta groaned, falling to his knees as he prayed to god, thanking him for the blessing. –Sero reacting to Bakugou dressed as a stripper

"Bullshit. And I'm not kissing you when you're drunk." -Kirishima

" **You wanna bet?" -Katsuki**

"Dude, he skypes you like every other night, which, first of all, that's a huge sign right there, and second, I have never seen two thirstier people in my entire life," –Kaminari

"Your skin is so fucking smooth. Like, you're a fucking teenager, what the flying fuck." –Bakugo to Kirishima

"Man, I forget how smart you are sometimes." -Kirishima

"I _tutor_ you, dumbass!" –Katsuki

Everyone knows Katsuki hates Izuku.

"Ah- Kacchan go faster!"

"Beg for it you slutty nerd."

"P-please f-fuck me faster Ka-Kacchan! Please- Ah- H-harder!"

"Shit! I love you so fucking much! Deku- Fuck I'm gonna-"

Everyone _thought_ Katsuki hated Izuku. They were wrong, _very wrong._

"That was pathetic. Don't you Uchiha usually have 100% accuracy?"

"Yeah, when we're not BLIND. And we only get accurate vision you know! All the _precision_ is ours!"

trying to imagine Bakugou pulling off a Bob Ross impression

"…I didn't think that you were going to ask me to uh, sexually murder you?" –Izuku

"There's a lot of things I don't like." -Izuku

"Name a few." -Katsuki

 _Myself._

Izuku refuses to pop a boner at work. There has to be something about that in the employee handbook somewhere.

 _How did my life turn into such a dumpster fire? Aka. Story of my life_

friends don't let friends think barefoot wine is good. but at least it's not franzia.

"I apologize if I haven't mastered the culinary arts, I was too busy being a shinobi." -Kakashi

"You love my shitty hair." -Kirishima

"I can neither confirm nor deny that statement." –Bakugo

"You think that I wasn't a little kid looking at girls and thinking, hmm, that's nice, but check out those boys, now _there's_ where I want to do my hand holding!" –Kirishima

Kakashi: -is grumpy-

Sakura: -slides in to stand beside him and wiggles her eyebrows.- "Is Little Kakashi in poor health? Shall I give him some mouth to mouth?"  
Kakashi: -mortified- _No._ No—that line—don't tell me—

Sakura: -holds up the first installment of _Icha Icha_ with a wicked smile on her face-

Kakashi: -is inwardly crying-

Kakashi: -is helping Sakura stitch a wound on her back she can't reach-

Sakura: -winks at him- Do you work for the postal service? Because I see you checking out my package."

Kakashi: -jabs the needle violently into her back-

Sakura: AHHH. OW. OW. I'M SORRY. I TAKE IT BACK.

Sakura: -is awaiting Kakashi outside his door for their next mission- "Kakashi-kun! Don't keep me waiting!"

Kakashi: -eyebrow twitches-

Ten minutes pass

Sakura: -breaks open the door.- "Only latex should stand between our love!"

Kakashi: -squeaky horrified noises-

Sakura: -eyeing Kakashi across a campfire on a mission.-

Kakashi: -giving her a look of disgust and reluctance-

Sakura: "Why don't you let me come over there and sit on your lap, and we'll discuss the first thing that pops up?"

Kakashi: -uses a suiton jutsu- "Drink some water, thirsty girl."

Sakura: "Man all these pick up lines are hard to do without a dick! Kakashi, why can't you use them?"

Kakashi: "I cannot say _no_ enough to that."

Sakura: "... Was your daddy a baker?"

Kakashi: " _Oh my God stop._ "

Sakura: "Because you have the _nicest buns_. _Hehehehehehehehe_."

Kakashi: -is banging his head against a wall now-

"You know how it is. You buy some new clothes. You try on new clothes. New clothes make you Dysphoric. Dysphoria makes you tired. Tired makes you sleep." –Shinso (why is this so true?)

"So, does that mean-" Before Mineata could continue with whatever the fuck he was going to ask, a fist solidly conked him on the head, sending him to dreamland. The owner of the fist, Shoji, simply shrugged in response.

"We all know that was going to be something fucked up." An unspoken agreement from the room.

"What's up my little fucks" the boy said. "Today I'm going to be teaching you how to do this makeup look. So, if you want to see that keep on watching if not then what the fuck are you doing here? What the fuck are you doing with your life?" –Bakugou doing a makeup tutorial

"So first we're just going to grab this dark brown shade and put it on your crease, now some of you may be wondering 'Bakugou what about eye primer?' And to those people I say this: Do I look like I have the time for that stupid shit? Or the fucken money? Eye primer is for rich bitches that think it will help their shitty makeup look better when in reality, it doesn't honey, it just doesnt. So we're going to skip over that shit because I know what I'm doing okay? Okay." –same lol

"Now after that, you're going to grab this bright red color. Now a lot of people get intimidated by using bright colors but as someone who crosses the street without looking both ways, I could care less about this shit being bright" Bakugou said, applying the red eyeshadow to the rest of the lid. "Now we're not going to fuck around today and we're going to add another color because I want people to see me walking down the street with this and piss themselves. I don't want to be complimented or admired no, I want little kids to cry when they see me. So, to do that, we're going to grab this black right here and put it on the edges and give it that smoky eye effect. This is where a lot of people will fuck up and honestly don't even worry about that shit because at the end of the day, black is always messy and shitty so like fuck it you know?" –same, again, lol

"Now I was going to stop there but my eyes are looking too tame. Like this would upset elderly women but still be acceptable for like suburban moms and I'm not about that shit at all. We're trying to kill people with this look remember. So, to do that we're going to grab this weird orange shit right here called uuuuh... fuck this French bullshit we're going to call it bitch ass orange from now on. So, we're going to take bitch ass orange and put that on the inner corners of the eyes and blend it into the brown like so."

"And it is at this moment that you will realize that it's a lot of red and orange shades and your eyes are looking beat the fuck up so to fix this. We're going to grab this bright yellow and put that in the middle of the eyelid like so" Bakugou said before stopping half way through. "And then you'll realize that this yellow is not what you wanted, making you want to stab yourself with your brush but that's fine, its fine. I mean I ruined this whole thing but do I give a fuck? Do I REALLY give a fuck?" –I love this man 3

"Now to fix this shitty yellow we're going to grab this gold glittery shade and what this will do is not only mask the ugly yellow but the glitter will make sure to tell people that I am a classy hoe. So, what's going to happen is that while children are crying, guys around me are going to have confused boners and if that isn't a power move I don't know what is."

"Now you're going to take that bitch ass orange shade and put it as close as you can to your bottom lashes and don't even think about skipping this step because this is what separates the weaklings from the strong. If you don't do this step you're just admitting to the world that you don't know what the fuck you're doing and maybe you don't but we're not about to admit that shit to anyone. Gotta make people think you're okay and perfectly fine duh. Now after that you're going to put the gold glittery shade on the inner corner of your eye because that way if you cry later that day your tears will have glitter and how gay is that shit?" –My classy hoe

"Now we're done with the eyeshadow but we're not done yet. We're at the stage were we're scaring kids but we're not really killing anyone so to that we're going to take an eyeliner, and if you use fucken felt tip go fucken jump off a roof like get out with that shit. Felt tip is gross as fuck and everyone knows that. Anyways we're going to make a thin line at first and make a baby wing. Now if you're a weak bitch this is where you can stop but I want to kill a man so I'm going to make this eyeliner so thick I basically cover half of the shit I just worked on for the past 20 minutes."

"And with the wing I am going to make it very very long and sharp because I want it to be so that if people stand close enough to me it will actually stab them? So, we're not making wings in this house we're making fucken KNIVES. Then we're going to take this eyeliner pencil and just put it in your water line and if you, like me, stab yourself its fine. It'll make you cry black tears and with that gold glitter shit now you have black glittery tears and if that isn't metal as fuck I don't know what is." –My lovely sassy classy hoe

"Kiri? Its 5 am."

"MINA IM IN LOVE. HELP ME."

"What? What do you mean?"

"MINA THIS BOY ON YOUTUBE IS MY SOUL MATE I LOVE HIM MORE THAN LIFE HELP MEEEEEEE."

"…...please tell me you're not speaking about Bakugou Katsuki...the beauty guru..."

"YOU KNOW HIM?!"

"I'm subscribed to him yeah."

"Mina he's so pretty it hurts! I love him so much. I want him so badly he's everything I could've ever wanted in a man."

"You say this about the beauty guru that literally always gets into drama for not giving a shit and calling other gurus out on their bullshit? About the man that literally is always saying that he makes his makeup looks to scare or piss people off?"

"YES, HES PERFECT."

"Okay well its five in the morning so we can talk about your gay ass and its desires later" Mina said before hanging up.

"Then we're going to go into this lose powder and just like, put it everywhere. I could easily bake with this but listen. It's a Valentine's Day makeup tutorial, this makeup will only be seen for at most an hour while you're eating and then you're going to be bent over some random bed and no one's going to give a shit if your makeup creases. Trust me. We don't have to bake today." Bakugou

"Okay and now that we have the base over and done with, we're going to add some color to our face because we're looking like a ghost right now, and no one wants to fuck a ghost. So, let's grab this bronzer right here and put it right in the bottom of your cheekbones, using it as contour, and now we're going to make this contour SEVERE, we're trying to make our cheekbones so fucken prominent that the guy you're on a date with is going to be intimidated because girls listen, if your man isn't intimidated by you then why are you with them? Your man should be attracted to you but also be so scared he gets hard like that's just how it has to be. Self-love is dating someone that fears you but also appreciates your power." –The classy Baku-hoe everyone knows and loves

"Okay and don't forget to put some bronzer on the sides and top of the forehead so that it all looks together, and not like you're new to makeup and only doing your makeup to impress this boy. Now on to the best fucken part and literally fight me on this if you want. This is the best fucken part of any makeup look and I will stab you if you say no okay? Okay. Now grab your brightest fucken highlighter like I'm not fucking around, grab the fucken brightest shit you have and we're going to pack that shit onto the top of our cheek bones, and by pack, I mean you're going to put so much of that shit so that while you're on this date with this guy you are shinning so brightly the fucker won't look anywhere else but at you. Like trust me I used to pretend I was heterosexual before, so I know how guys think and act and guys are like fucken goblins, they are attracted to bright shiny things and get in like a trance when they see something matching that description." –SAAAAAAAAME

"Okay and for lashes you're going to grab the biggest pair you have because we got to make it so that if this boy starts fucking around, our eyelashes can hopefully work as wings for us to fly away from his bullshit." Bakugou said before leaving the screen and then coming back on. "Okay got the lashes on and the look is almost complete, now while I was putting the lashes on I noticed something was missing and that is our blush, now we're going to lightly blush our cheekbones and the top of the nose to give us this 'I'm super cute and friendly' look which will confuse the hell out of this boy because he'll be scared of us but also think that we're adorable when we laugh. And that's the only reason we should be using blush honestly. To confuse people." –My baby bakuhoe

"Happy birthday!"

Shouta stared down at the gift Tensei had gotten him, surprise evident on his features. After a while of silence, he looked up to state, "You got me a cat."

"Yes. I did."

"An actual live cat."

"Would you prefer a dead one?"

"Alright, I understand," Sero sighed, bending down to pick up his bag. "Anyways, have I ever told you that you have nice legs?"

"Thank you!" Tenya said, glancing down to the engines in calves. Some people thought they were very useful and cool, but others thought they were rather freakish. He was glad that Sero was a part of the former group. "And you have nice elbows."

Sero gave a snort, giggling, and Tenya stared at him in confusion. Sero's giggling turned into full-blown laughter, until he was hunched over, clutching at his stomach.

"You're hilarious!" He choked, wiping at his eyes. "Oh my god, I can't even tell if you're being serious or not!"

"I'm being perfectly serious," Tenya assured him. "Your tape is plenty useful, and-"

"Iida," Sero breathed, straightening up and placing his hand on his shoulder. He was still shaking with laughter, unable to control it. "Just-oh my god, thanks. Thanks for saying I have nice elbows."

"You're welcome."

"That's just the bags under your eyes, Shinso. What have I told you about sleeping at reasonable times?"

"Hiruma, you have bags under your eyes too."

"My bags are Gucci, bitch, I own them" Hiruma grinned wide. "You, my friend, it just makes you look like a cranky old man."

Uraraka wagged a finger in his face "That is pretty gay, Todoroki."

"Well I am a raging homosexual." Shouto deadpanned.

And how the hell did you even pick out tea? It was _tea._ It was glorified hot leaf water. –Katsuki

 _ **Eijirou**_

Wait Kaminari you're bi? Aas in bisexual?

 _ **Bakugone**_

No he's fucking bilingual. He's a fucking bicycle. OF COURSE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK

"Izuku," he said, "I was in love with you before this happened. I didn't have a problem with it then. I won't have a problem with it now." His mouth curled in a small smile. "Besides, someone has to keep an eye on you so you don't overdo it all the time."

"I don't overdo it," Midoriya said.

"Oh no? Did I imagine that trip to the hospital three months ago?"

Midoriya bit his tongue. "That was…different," he said. "There was a dog involved."

"Of course," Todoroki said. "A dog."

"Anyway, you're just as bad as me," Midoriya insisted. "Didn't you break your leg last year?"

"...only a little bit."

"A little bit? How do break your leg _a little bit?_ "

Midoriya blushed more hotly. He leaned forward to press his face into Todoroki's shoulder and mumbled the next bit into Todoroki's skin. "You can borrow some of mine," he said. "And anyway, I—I don't think you'd need that many clothes."

Todoroki let out a surprised huff of air. "Is that so?" he asked, voice warm. "And why is that?"

Midoriya laughed weakly against him. "Don't be obtuse," he said.

"No, no, really, explain this to me."

"Shouto, please."

"I don't understand what you could possibly be implying—"

Drseuss1 – College Board password :)

 _I hate to interrupt your endless dick buffet, gentlemen,_

 _But I'm looking for Mr. Right and I'm gonna fuck all you Mr. Wrongs til I find him._

 _I'm young, successful, rich, and good lookin'._

 _I'm also a top, no bottom shit,_

 _Also, no skinny jeans… my dick won't fit._

 _Don't act like you're too good either, this is Grinder, not Christian Mingle._

-Bakugo's Grindr account


End file.
